When Everything Falls and Crashes to the Ground

Whenever radical grace is truly appreciated, extravagant worship is always reciprocated.
--Louie Giglio

I know how yesterday I said I didn't expect anything less of today then I did yesterday, well, honestly I really didn't, but as usual I was wrong. It was a pretty typical day for the "Kids and Chaos", but I've been messaging my friend back and forth about things like adventures and the fun we'd have. So I'm sure by now you've all realized things aren't exactly "peachy", well honestly it's still not fantastic. But yes, anxiety has taken it's toll, but it's something I'm learning to live with. Well I thought it'd become my new "normal", yeah let's just say me and getting comfortable in such things like this is a bad idea. Still I should tell you it's great to have someone to talk to about things that are going on it gets some feelings out. She recommended a book called,  Rest in the Shadow of the Almighty: Discover the Joy that Is found Living Under the Sovereignty of God, by Daniel Ledwith and I cannot wait to read it because I'm always looking for something good to read. But as we talk about life, other things and most of all our anxiety, the way I see anxiety is that it triggers fear and sometime just guilt too. I'll admit every time my anxiety attacked and attacks that all I feel is, fear, guilt, worries, troubles, afflictions and every bit of the future. I think about why fear? Well it's one thing because we live in a ever changing world and yet the amazing God we serve is always the same, yesterday, tomorrow and forevermore. Still during this entire (still ongoing) time through all this it has taught me prayer and worship. Now, with prayer I can't pray without getting on my knees, shaking and heart racing. Even more so with worship, I cannot worship without closing my eyes or lifting my hands: In doing all of this everything falls and crashes to the ground and every minute of it anxiety clears out and darkness hides. But even if it comes back it's the same thing, but I WILL STILL PRAISE MY GOD! And HIM ALONE! The biggest part we need to realize is it involves complete and total surrender, and if that means waiting on the harvest even though you still have no fruit then wait, and if you have to cry out of the depths and sing, "Blessed be the Name of the Lord", then praise Him with all you have!
Our God is Able and I want us all to remember this, not just me! But you know what? "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." But I'll stand as long as God holds me. It's hard sometimes when decisions and thoughts about how they are going to effect you and the future. <---- Yep that's one of the biggest things triggering my anxiety. One of the biggest things I am greatful for has to be my friends, though thick and thin, happy or sad and even in my darkest of times. I can tell you even though I've always had something to put up a fight about and that I even though I'm thick headed and refuse to do something I still come to Christ even though it's not always surrender, but it is joyful in the process. Take it from me joy is a hard thing to fight for and if you are not fighting for it you get pretty much depressed. No joy no life pretty much because all it feels like is your living for no one but yourself. So you know what I'm trying to let everything that makes me down fall to the ground and crash. I want you all to know if you've been praying for me, I just want to say thank you! Well I guess I should all let you guys go again any questions comments please just wright them down I'd love to answer them!