All In 24 Hours

The past 24 hours have been crazy. It started last night with a really bad guilt/ panic/ anxiety attack and it was after guitar lessons and I was so ready for bed. Well, that all changed I try to go to sleep and nothing is working. 10:30 comes around I start praying then after try to sleep. Nope still being attacked with guilt, panic and anxiety. I think to go tell mom about what happened earlier that day and how I was feeling, nope still didn't happen. So as I go to do that I fall to the floor praying again and long story short after 15 minutes I am in tears and for many of you who know me I rarely cry. So I am pouring my heart out hear while a portion of my blanket in drenched with tears I was on my knees shaking and man was it intense. I about finish praying I turn on my dying iPod and go to YouTube searching "Out of The Depths" sovereign grace music and I start to lift us my hands in tears crying out before God. After I posted on my Facebook how God is so good then shortly after I feel asleep.
7:30am the dogs wake me up and the anxiety returns and yet all the thoughts I've been thinking about still rush in my head even though I asked God to show me the way. I thought; "well is this apart of God's plan?" I then go to dog sit. I get home moving around things then after that I just got lazy and unproductive. So around 4:30 my sister and our crazy neighbor Lexi comes over
and they want to go to Petco, dad says they have to go with me. Boy was I in for it and I didn't know it. So we go and Emily convinced me with Starbucks and I'm a sucker for Starbucks so I go along and oh my goodness, Lexi being a young one with so much to learn she says you're blackmailing us. Excuse me? Someone need a reality check. Well I go on trying to say lets go home. Yeah my sister Emily is falling in the same pit I did falling into the desires of the world because its pleasing. So we are finally on our way home and Lexi's all saying I'm being mean not hanging out with her. Honestly I'm doing myself a favor because whenever I've hung out with her I catch myself right in the path of sin.
Tonight after I got back I had to check in the dog I'm watching and then bolt for dance class. It's a great time and I finally get to stay for advanced class and I did alright.
I then get home eat and bolt again to check on the dog and turns out Lexi leaves her shirt here and I give it back and she wants to come with me and we talk and she says she wants to have her step mom's and her dad's trust I tell her of a mistake I made and ways to help her but it takes time and it's hard to explain because it's different for everyone. But later she's like I want to be like you. Wait hold the phone like me? Is she sure of that? Well she was all like yeah you're responsibility. I was like I'm not really always responsible I'm sometimes really lazy. She later mentions only not the way you dress. Another reality check the stuff you wear does not make who you are. I wish I could help be a bigger impact, but alas, I think it's best for me not to fall into sin and follow the world.
Mistakes I've been brought down by so many. I feel like that I'm this major screw up that never learns from the really dumb mistakes because so often I make the same darn mistake! I'm really tired of it, I just want to be duct taped by the mouth and quit being a big mouth.
All so much affliction and I feel it's bring me to my end where I feel like giving up but then comes a spark of joy and hope but then it just loops. I just don't know what to do but get on my knees and pray.