Life

Lately life has had it moments where I want to be left alone and cry, it's even had its thoughtful moments where I think of things I miss, it's even had the moments where it feels like darkness all around and moments where I don't feel connected to anyone like God, family and friends, I just feel so distant from all of them. I just want to go to a place where I can be alone, in silence and just reading God's word; praying and worshiping Him with no distractions. I would love to just get so close to God. I think my hardest tasks right now are giving complete surrender to God, fighting for joy and just to keep running the race. I admit I am weary and restless when I want to be energetic and reckless for Christ. I just think of Habakkuk 3:17-19, Psalms 130 and the entire book of Job and how they trusted God "even though the fig tree shall not blossom", "Out of the depths I cry to You oh LORD. More then watchmen for the morning" and even my favorite in Job 42:1-6. They're faith inspires me to keep moving and so dose Psalm 51:10-12 "Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirt within me. Cast me not away from You presence, and take not Your Holy Sprit from me. Restore to me to the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirt."
That is my prayer, for God to return to me the joy of His salvation. Even though it has been a battle I know it's already won and one day I will hear, "It is finished!" But for now I will wait. Like yesterday when I was talking about desire I found that mine is to serve God in different ways like worship while I'm waiting and even just encouraging someone.
But for some time now I've been looking at some options on what I could possibly do later this year and next year. It makes me think of yesterday in church about leadership, "how far are you willing to stretch yourself?" Well let me answer that, you see I like to experience new heights and greater mountains to move. One step at a time, but right now I see small steps and later taking big steps that will change the way I look down the path I've already gone down. The thought I have is to go aboard and leave home. No I'm not going to give everyone a really short time to say goodbye. No worries I'll give you enough time to say it but I'm warning you it's not going to be easy for either of us. Why won't it be easy? Because one it's never easy to say good bye and two I don't think I'll be back for awhile once I leave. Now really don't worry and don't panic you have at the very least 14 months (I think). But so far I see a bright future and just an incredible life, but I should tell you, life is s beautiful thing and sometimes life is like a painting, you can't see the beauty until its finish but you can see the hard work into it.
But that's just it i see my fruit being produced and pruned.
But just because I want to abroad and go on ready to loose my life it doesn't mean take the big step yet it just means take one step to stretch yourself not to jump off a cliff. Get experience, take a risk and watch the mountains move into place.
Press on and follow hard after Christ. One last thing don't go into the darkness and leave your cup half empty.
Your life is the ultimate story of God's sovereignty so let Him tell it.