Confusion To Clairty: The Next Step Change

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
~C.S. Lewis

I'm just going to be straight forward here over 5 days so much has changed! Hard to believe in such a little amount of time too. Yes I'm amazed isn't that great and unexpected? Sure. Anyway that's really not my point  at all.
Truth is since last Friday (the 26th) I was so confused, like more then usual and I'm pretty sure it wasn't because of lack of food in my stomach. I was just so confused about somethings I remember having the answer to. Well it's okay now I'm back to reality. Still I was wondering things like, Where does God want me? What is God teaching me? What is God trying to tell me? And even where is God going to have me? Okay I admit it was weird and dumbfounding. Now I wanted to resolve this as quickly as possible and just as I look around on Facebook a friend posted Hosea 6:3
" Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawnhe will come to us as the showers,as the spring rains that water the earth.”   Now I had more of an urge to look up verses about God's will, although I confess I felt like a dog rummaging for food as I was thinking and looking up verses. Yummy spiritual food nom nom nom...  The funny part was I didn't even think of Jeremiah 29:11. So that's I guess a brief background of the story. Now Sunday... Sunday was just an unexpected surprise, I had almost completely for got about the membership class at Cottonwood! Ooh that really was just really really just astonishing, mid blowing, and all around so of God. So I go just because I really though I had nothing better to do. Funny the pastor is... that's in of itself is somewhat sarcastic. I only say that because one of the questions were how did you come to Christ and how did you come to Cottonwood? Well the funny part is because we are doing the I AM SECOND series and we are doing 100 word stories, okay yes I've been procrastinating on doing that and have every good intention on doing that, and none the less because Dan mentioned I haven't sent mine in. So I kinda got he apparently he wants to hear mine. So then how I came to Cottonwood, I confess, as I might have before, but the only reason I had accepted to go there is because I had already made new friends and because like everyone was being nice to Faith and Emily... Oh yes I said it, because of my sisters the least selfish thing I've done for them. Back to the real point, I had decided to talk to Crag and Cheryl afterwords and I was in shock! Okay truthfully I don't recall being so easily surprised in much of anyway, but Craig had mentioned because I was talking more about surrender because that is about one of the three biggest things God is teaching me. Then Craig had mentioned how he saw me struggling O_O okay I don't even know what to say! Over the past 6 months (incredibly long hard months) the diversity of the Body of Christ once again amazes me. AGAIN!
Okay so the answers to where God wants me, I known it was Cottonwood, but now I think I got the real purpose down, and that is to serve there by both becoming a member and to also learn what other spiritual gifts I have and exercising my spiritual gifts too. Still my one (maybe two) question(s) remain, one, how is this going to prepare me for what lies ahead? But that is another thing God it teaching me to both wait for Him and trust in Him. But my next post will be "Impassioned Impatience" just so you can get a grasp on what God is teaching me while my passion is burning me up.
So let's just work this out and get to see what God has planed as I'm kinda lossing it, so pray this wont be that day where I'm a goner for some time.

30 Hour Famine

30 Hour Famine

That's about right. Yes I did it! 29 and a half hours (no not 30 because I walked the dogs that morning, thus I didn't get back until 7:30am). So roughly 30 hours with nothing but juice, water, and 14 youth. It was a really fun, eye opening, humbling, and all around amazing time. Since I started only like twice was I really hungry, but thank goodness for juice! It was good fellowship, worship, games, and any other adjectives and activities we can think of to describe in a youth group. Well being the fact that we didn't actually get to the church office until 7pm it was just pretty swell, although I have to admit, earlier in the day my sisters and I went to play at the basketball court, and exercising and doing a 30 hour famine... uh I don't know what we were thinking, that is if we were. Anyway, I loved how I was so occupied and how I didn't even think of my poor empty, juice filled stomach. Have to admit it felt pretty weird every time I drank juice and sometimes water. Funny before we left for 13 or so hours I posted on my Facebook, "Haven't eaten for ten hours and I'm totally fine and happy with that! 30 Hour Famine with youth, bring it on! 20 more hours to go! — feeling awesome."Yes even before this I was so excited to starve myself and get into this! Like I was attempting to say above, 'twas a amazing radical experience I doubt I am to forget! As many "laugh out loud" moments were just drop over silly and maybe just had something to do with being sleep deprived and empty bellies'. (I'm not complaining because really it was awesome!) But there were still some solemn moments like during the little "devotion" if you will and the worship. Although I've found in the four consistent months that I've been at Cottonwood that they really like Hillsong United. Not that it's bad or anything. Okay back to the joy of starvation to raise money and awareness, and the entertaining weekend too. Well it was a little after 11; the final juice break of the night before we either watched a movie or went to bed, and I bet you can guess what I did. If you said stayed up you guessed correctly. So we watched Shrek, and I guess a little more then half of us fell asleep, not to mention we then decided to watch another movie and that movie was Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. Tell me again why we watched a movie about food and most importantly chocolate in the middle of a famine? I don't know. Although I too want to know how we managed for all 14 youth and leaders managed to share one bathroom? I don't have an answer because I am really badly confused. Ah what a first night/early morning. Now as I gather my stuff from upstairs to down I am actually pretty dead tired believe it or not. Apparently now it's about 6:30 in the morning, I hear my siblings whispering and giggling, dudes' I could have slept in for another half hour and yes on that dead, cold, and hard floor. It's 6:45 and Faith (Miss. Drama Queen) is to think she looks awful! So now it's 7ish and Faith and Emily woke up Megan! Oh I was shocked she didn't chew them up, I mean really from what I had heard is that Megan tired and hungry doesn't go well. Now I am up and everyone else is soon to follow, Caleb comes down with a huge smile saying, "good morning!" I love peppy people, but in the morning? That's confusing, but I'll take it! Well as the rest of us sleepy heads get up we get to have or "breakfast juice"  (different juices but all still juice) and off we go to WalMart (or as I rather say, "Wally World") to go buy toiletries for the Albuquerque Rescue Mission, but I confess Jake whom was driving us there was a bit daunting to drive with, and I'm glad we got there just fine. It now comes to the time to get to the rescue mission and we talk music, I have my iPod, thus I get put in charge of music, so okay I can go with that, and I don't know if I'd use the word "swag" but we had listened to "how sweet it is" by some event concert thing our Church in Michigan did, then Caleb wanted to pick song and I'm cool with that so we listen to Family Force 5 Love Addict, and now we get to downtown playing kj-52 gimme dat with windows rolled down and bass kicking... oh dang that was really something and that made my morning. Now us "dorks" in Jake's car get there first. Anyway the rest of the day was exhausting, we did more worship, more devotion, and more games. I still am puzzled why are we burning calories when we hardly have the carbs to keep going? Ah whatever it was fun right down to eating the balloon popping and scaring the day lights out of me.
And now I'm happy and bummed about being home as I horde the left over juice (nope not sick of juice, well not yet anyway). Now it's good to be home because dad is at last coming home after the long nights of calling home and telling us about the weather and beauty of Virgina, but I'm bummed 'cause I'm not chillin' with my buddies, well I guess I have tomorrow to see them.
Until tomorrow, or Monday comes, or whatever day I post, you know where to find me.

I'm Going To Be A Sleuth... It Appears As Though I need To Get Some Data

As you may know, over the past two weeks I have been really fidelity about reading my devotions' and I've never been more proud of myself for actually doing it. Now you may have heard me also mention about my prayer journal too. But now more then ever I feel both closer to God and the fact that He is undoubtedly preparing me for His will and what seams to be getting ready to tell me something big. Now I am going to try to be a good sleuth and put it to use by observing this situation.

This is a picture I took of a basset hound at the waddle dressed as
Sherlock Holmes
or in this case Sherlock Bones

My hypothesis' is that just maybe God is preparing me for His will as mentioned above, but something bigger and better then my most wild imagination; it could be moving, could be a way for Him to tell me to trust in Him more, and I can't even fathom what this could add up to as I get older. Or the best news would be all of them! Now, I have two logical explanations for theses "hypothesis'"

Reason Number One: "When he, the Spirt of truth, come, he will guide you into all truth. . . . taking what is mine and making it known to you" ~John 16:13-14
It was today's devotion talking about taking care of "baby Christians", and well I now wonder if that means me being a camp councilor like I've been praying, or could it be my neighbor Lexi finally coming to Christ and accepting Him as I too have prayed? Is it perhaps God saying to me, "Mel, I love you and I am taking care of you; don't worry". And my last guess is it saying anything about moving and that we (we as in collectively as a family need to trust God). Not sure but it's just a hypothesis.Reason Number Two:
"When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them" ~John 10:4
Last week's devotion was above and when I say last week's I mean exactly last week's. Anyway, as it talked about God coming before us, well now that I look at it and still examining it I kinda think, "oh the irony..." well no nothing here was ironic, haphazard, nor random. So it was the same week dad was going to Virgina and preparing for it too. Now having realized God went before dad there and now dad is there doing what he does third best.. :)  Now having looked at the devotion again this quote caught me deep. Hard to believe, eh? Well here it goes, "We do not put ourselves fourth; we would rather stay. But it has to be. But Jesus `goes ahead.` He prepares the earthly as well as the heavenly places with us. He will be there when we get to the new place. He is not sending us away from Him, but only leading us fourth with His own gentle hand, saying 'Rise up, my love, and come away with me," Frances Havergal
Now that really triggered my thoughts of moving. Still it had made me wonder with Lexi, maybe that God is making room in Lexi's heart for Him, or still my very thought of being a camp councilor, and God leading me down to go that way. Or God just saying, "Me, I know you are week and anxious, but just trust me". Again it could be God over all saying "trust me.
Again I still don't know, that's why I labeled it as a hypothesis. But if it's neither of these things then I am going to be more confused and lost as ever.Whereas to me moving is one of the few things I'm optimistic about and I think it practically ostensible. I know I am anxious and stoked to see what happens as I've mentioned before. I confess I'd rather say, "au revoir" when the time come opposed to getting ahead of myself over and over again. Thus, I apologize because by now you probably think I sound like a broken record.

The Reality of Trust in God

So last night my sisters and I had stayed up until midnight watching Indiana Jones Kingdom of the Crystal Skull I must say after that I was exhausted and so I went to bed, but that wasn't all, see I normally listen to music only last night (or technically this morning) I was praying and after that I slept pretty good. Then at 7:30am my alarm goes off and I have to unlock my iPod and turn off the sound so I am not to be bothered by the alarm again. Now being of the hour of 9:00am I get up to read one of my three devotions, first was Sarah Young, Jesus Calling and it was saying basically to listen to God. Well I was more convicted at one of the scriptures, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." ~Proverbs 19:21
There was a little thought about it, now I come out in the living room to get my second devotion book, Closer Walk, Bruce H. Wilkinson and once again convicted by scripture that said, "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirt, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things" ~John 14:26
I still go on reading and it has Walk With R. A. Torrey, next thing you know I'm reading, "We need only remember that this responsibility is not really upon us but upon another, the Holy Spirt. If He is permitted to do the work, our fears and cares will vanish."
So by this time I had realized God really wants me to learn to trust Him, and being that me trusting in Him will be the glue that holds all those things that the Lord will one day do with me! Pretty stoked.
Then I go to write in my "Prayer Journal" and at the top I put a quote from either the devotion or a scripture that adds to what I've been taught. Now without really even being aware of it I think Proverbs 3:5-? so I go to my Bible to copy Proverbs 3:5-8 after I read through it to see what I was to copy, Proverbs 3:5-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones."So now I write in the little section Prayer Request(s) and first thing I write,
"That I may trust in the Lord".
Yeah I'm pretty sure God wants me to learn to Trust in Him at all times. Give me a minute I'll explain what I feel God's telling me to learn and what He's teaching me. See I kind knew that I was lacking in faith because I have gone looking ahead and all that other stuff, thus getting me anxious. See God has those little things of God we don't see, then when we do we are like, "oooohhhh now I see what you're doing God! Wow good think you're in charge". Another reason I've pretty much failed was me getting ahead of myself, I thought, "oh hey look at me I'm walking by faith"... Uhh now I kinda see I was laking because I totally wasn't thinking fully.  Personally the anxious feeling could have just been God saying trust Me Mel, I got this just keep walking.
Now my explanation of what I feel God is teaching me and wanting me to learn:
LEADERSHIP: Well, I may have said this a while back, but it still remains to be true. Being the fact that the summer camp I've been looking at had the jobs of being a leader I think it would be ideal.DISCIPLESHIP: I suppose to me it's a better... well more effective way of teaching the Bible. That way I'm not stumbling all over the place trying to put a basic view over theology.FORGIVENESS: I'm not sure why. Maybe for what ever reason it is I'll be glad God has taught me this part of grace.LOVE: Not sure why either, I just assume it it to show the love of Christ to all believers and nonbelievers. Oh I almost forgot about my third devotion! So it was about our foundations being shaking, thus it meant more to me about trusting in God. Actually I wasn't so sure about the devotions, but here I'll give you my list of verses and I guess short notes.
Proverbs 19:21
Psalm 9:9-10
Psalm 62
Isaiah 12
Jeremiah 12:7-10
Zephaniah 3:1-2 *I thought it as a prayer so that I may do what Isreal didn't.*
Matthew 11:25-30
Psalm 16:8
1 Peter 5:7I had actually put a note at the top say, "Today's key is to TRUST in God at all times!"

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
~Corrie Ten Boom

It's Only Sunday, April 21, 2013 Why Would That Change Anything?

Ugh I feel like there is so much to complain about, yet there is so much to be grateful about. Well I can't really say today was a "typical" Sunday, after all dad left to go to Norfolk, Virgina at 5am and I actually got up to see him leave, unfortunately it wasn't to the airport. Still he's going to be gone for an entire week and it's in Virgina, he texted us telling us of the green, flowers, and that he was going to the ocean! Okay I'm more then officially sold to go to Virgina! Oh wait... before I go on about my obsession about green grass, the water, moving, and the East Coast. Well I should probably mention more on it's only Sunday, April 21, why would that change anything? So since I officially got up at sometime around 4:30ish and yes saw dad off, but I went back to bed... goodness gracious I did not want to get out of bed again! So slept in and then after all the small details in between we had came in at Church around 9:30ish because mom and the siblings had Sunday School and we had our 30 hour famine "protest", well if you ask me it was more of making people aware of what we're doing as a youth group and how you can help kinda deal. But if you want more info go here. Well as today went on slowly I had told some people I was so happy I got to see my dad off to Virgina (Well specifically leave the house). Still he made it there safely, but pray as us girls are here and missing him dearly. So today was different... talk about breaking a routine or cycle if you will. Personally the song choices weren't so bad, then the sermon that witch was actually brought to us by Aaron Blackwell (whom is the youth leader) rather then Dan Cooley, still being a bit on my toes because I still got to play Fish out of water this morning. (I guess it doesn't always pay to get up early) Then the most weird thing happens in the second part of the sermon, being the fact we are doing the I AM SECOND series and today was about relationships and it ended up being about forgiveness. We used the story of the Prodigal son in Luke. Okay I thought I got this, I know this behavior (shocker I know isn't it?) still being the fact I had known it as what we call "head knowledge". Let's be honest too, he talked about pride and if you read yesterday's post you know that's what I blogged about. That's not all either! So I don't know if it's just the way I think or what's the deal here, but I think that either God is telling me, "don't get to comfortable 'cause I'm going to move you" or the fact that this church is promoting that no individual gets caught in his or her comfort zone. I'm clueless. Since this is being the second part of the sermon and the Prodigal son we had mentioned pigs and stink, okay I know pigs and stink, thus he kept going about forgiveness, still being the talk of that I think I had realized later, "oh, boy, I think this sermon is for me..." and yes I'm pretty sure to relative terms it was. Anyway, he had welcomed us to come up so he could pray for us tired of being what apparently was in terms the stinky pig. So I thought about it, I'm at first like, "nah" embarrassed more like it. So as later comes (okay fine like 2 minutes) and a few other people go up, I see my friend Kevin wants to go up so I tell him I was planing on going up so he went to, thus some of the youth followed. But before it was like a guilt trip, Aaron was talking about the reason we didn't come was because of pride. O_O I thought pretty much, "You're kidding me right?" Ahh, yeah, what a thought isn't it? Anyway, the question for today was how would that change anything? Well today the youth did nothing, therefore I was bored, well I guess slightly entertained by that we cannot ask why and or how. But I'm happy because next week it could be tennis, so I'm all set, I think, or better yet I hope, or best yet I hope I'm good at it. My fingers are crossed, but from what I heard I'm undoubtedly not going to be the best nor the worst, so I might as well be with the rest of the group.
So now weird obsessions time! A bit odd aren't I to tell you theses things? Uh yeah I think so too, but that's kinda the purpose of my blog to both make you laugh and kinda be serious... that is if I can. So let's start with it being my obsession about green grass, the water, moving, and the East Coast... actually that about sums it up. *Laughs* sorry I think it's just the mood I'm in. Anyway before I chuckle my way through the rest of this post let's begin. So it only seams logical the love for green grass because I'm from Michigan and knowing New Mexico I think we all know it's dead grass, so forget it. Why? Well because I'm that girl who loves crawling in the mud and green grass is perfectly gorgeous. I love the water still being form Michigan that says a bit much because we are of course the "Great Lake state" thus water and swimming makes me happy. Just in case you wanted to know, no sand is not for rolling in it's for sun bathing with a towel on the sand being the discomfort of the feeling for it. Yay for being that weird one. Okay so moving. Well I can't really decide weather or not I like change, but I will tell you, being in the same place bores me to death. Thus moving around is nice. Well saying goodbye bites, but meeting new people works too, and there are other arguments but let's not get into detail. Now the East Coast... well personally I think God just put that special piece of my heart in there, well maybe being I found the camp job of my dreams in North Carolina and because dad has been talking East Coast since last February. Yes I am utterly disappointed it's not our time yet.
I don't suppose I am being to optimistic am I? *Chuckles* I think I am. Maybe this isn't all good, but not so bad. Oh now I'm doomed.... lovely.
Yeah being on Sunday April 21, 2013 does change a bit of something there and that might as well be called perspective... wait I think it already is and I ask you to correct me if I'm wrong.
By the way, if you're confused I wouldn't blame you, I am too.
So today was really good, well I had fun, even though it was awkward, fun, and confusing. So at youth group we played a game and then we played it before we all left, thus what happened the second time I thought my friend Lexi  was my friend Rachel, oh I was freaking out and then I ran into my friend Elissa... that was weird but it apparently was awesome 'cause I got a high five I dunno I thought that was just awkward. So now it looks like I have a letter to write because I'm not very good with words exactly and not to mention I think I'm better with paper than with words. As of now it is sleep, ot tv, or something and now this is my last words for tonight.

The Enemy Pt 3 Pride

Sorry I haven't posted the series in a while. Well being of that I should quickly add that my last part about guilt I had actually used this website for some things. The reason why is because at first I was kinda unsure of how to space out my thoughts and the person who wrote the website entry had some fantastic points. Anyway, I thought I'd have you know since today's subject is pride, so lets get this thing kicked off, shall we?

Well pride being the subject that it I'm thinking some of my personal stories reflect my experience with pride. I'm not going to do an extensive list of stories, but roughly "experiences" if you will.
So my first story kinda ties it all together. It was a night after Youth Group and my friend Jen and I were talking about things (I don't remember everything we talked about), but it was like the last few minutes riding home, and well me being of the age of 13 or 14 I had mentioned that either I don't have pride or that it's not a problem. We've talked about it, now a few thoughts later, a come around to reality, growing up, and other things that would have me come to attention. Yeah, pride is most defiantly an issue. I'm pretty sure God was laughing. After all He knows me better then me.
Now the fun part is seeing it the way I see it now... Heh well for some period of time I had loved getting into debate. But the debates I got in were about "gay marriage", "religious things", and I think some other things along the way. It kinda makes me feel stupid (so do other things I've done), but I don't really like looking back to what I've once done and I hate to remember what I've done because
even though I was a child and thought like a child (1 Corinthians 13:10-13) and so fourth.

I've noticed a few things with pride:

One: Talk about feeding a monster of sin. To think every time we sin either it be pride, lying (and the many forms of lying like a white lie or a lie to get attention of some sort), or what ever it may be. I found it to be every time we sin constantly (or be elaborate in sin) we feed a monster that takes over us. Two: A way to boost self esteem. So many people today struggle with who they are and I'll even admit for a little while there I did too where I thought I had to lie to be cool. Well no, it's about time I have confidence of who I am in Christ. It could have been to prove self worth I dunno.Three: It draws us apart from God. We know God is a humble God so how is it pride gets to us? Well we need to be as 1 Peter 1:16 says, "for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy." Now I know it's hard to that being fallen, but because God looks at us as His perfect son we should try our hardest not to be prideful and I'll be honest this is a HUGE one for me at times.


I think of the times where I've been desperate for attention and it builds me up inside to make me feel better about myself, but in the long run pride was my adrenaline to keep me feeling good about myself, still it was like a deadly drug that would've been the death of me. (Now when I say "death of me, know that many things could have very well been the death of me.) I was such a child, but I know that is no excuse for my acts. Still I've learned a lot about growing up and my wrongs. Oh the joy of being made like Christ! Also it involves me learning to love and accept of who I am in Christ as said above and not who I want to be since I should strive to be Christ. A little something I've found about people, always wanting some sort of attention in one way or another, therefore wanting attention we attract negative attention because it brings more focus to what we did. Well it just goes to prove we get the attention we are desperate for we get but not the way we expected to. Thus feeling it's not the attention we wanted so we continue with our acts.
Now I posted this on Facebook because I once said something to someone about me being able to flip someone over and stop in the middle and somewhat catch them... well no I am not capable of that by any means, but see what I mean by pride? So this is what I said, "Well, I'm having a moment (very rare moment) where I wish I was awesome like flipping people over and stopping in mid air. Obviously I wish I was Chuck Norris... I feel stupid officially. Yeah apparently I'm a big dreamer who want to kick butt in self defence. *Sigh* I wish I was that awesome. I'm mental and so desperate for attention.... why? Why? Because I'm pathetic. I don't understand I'm not deprived from attention.
Sorry for the longish post I felt it was something to say 'cause I have said things in the past that just bug. So sorry...."
Yes I do feel bad about this. But I was messaging my friend Rachel and she said this,                  
 
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
all we can do is ask for forgiveness, know that our Heavenly Father will forgive us and love us no matter what, and continue to do our best to focus on Him and live for Him....the bad things we have done, we have done. and there's nothing we can do about them now...but just continue to live for Him:)"

I am so glad to have the body of Christ knowing I am not alone like Satan wants me to feel.
So pride may have faded, but the guilt came... now I do understand that I shouldn't feel guilty because yes what my friend had said, but also because of 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." I just love that verse because it reminds me who I am in Christ and how the old has died and that the new has come!
But pride still has it's rounds but I shouldn't let in define me. But I found This I think this is something we should all hear.
For me I've been trying to get better about humbling myself either that be by me giving God the first of my day or stepping up and saying I need prayer. It was a Bible study that we were going though prayer requests, now there are times where I am very clear about things with life, but this time I had said spiritual warfare and mom said I could explain, but no I didn't really want to, so she asked if she could so she did. Well I'll confess I was going to talk to an individual at that group but since now our  G-Force group knows I'm doing better. I will confess though, this blog happens to be that one place where I'm actually pretty calm. Now this might sound a little bit weird, but I have so many thoughts in my head and I don't want to say I'm confused... eh I kinda am but not like entirely.
Anyway, I wanted to see what scripture said about pride, so I looked in the back of my Bible to find Proverbs 16:18-19 "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirt before a fall. It is better to be a lowly spirt with the poor then divide the spoil with the proud."  I was just awestruck at "Pride goes before destruction"  and that it does because whenever I am prideful destruction was to follow and had me falling in the pit of despair.
1 Samuel 2:3
 “Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed."
I have much to learn about pride and I hope to stay away! Well I think this is good a bit of confessions, but the Bible says in James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

Caught In The Middle

Have you every felt caught in the middle of life's situations? Either it be a spiritual situation, an argument between family or between people? Or anything at all that just has you caught in the middle?
Currently I confess I feel like I am caught in the middle with who I once was and who I am. I guess what I'm trying to say is the battle between Satan wanting me to feel hopeless, unforgiven, unloved, alone, and just plain old depressed. While on the other hand Jesus wants me to feel hopeful, joyful, loved, forgiven, and united with Him.
It's hard because when ever Satan accuses us of sin it often times is right! How scary that is, Satan comes and reminds us of our past sins. I know in James  5:16 it says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one other, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." So hard to face that you've done wrong and are ashamed by it.
I think of how much I've grown in Christ and the amount of maturity I have obtained... that is with other things of well. Actually about two days back I did a devotion about love (and as great and effective as it was talking about learning to love and hate what Jesus does) the devotion had me read 1 Corinthians 13 and the part that got me was on verses 11&12, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
Well it defiantly changes everything because even for being 16 I am still technically a kid (yes it annoys me dearly, but that's irrelevant). As many times as I have been childish and thought to be mature... well I think it's about time to fall over laughing. Yeah sure I've heard my mom say I was born a 40 year old, however, I take that as a mentally and way of thinking not actually in actions.
Still I've been pretty well caught in the middle with things like knowing I am one with Christ, yet I know Satan just has to try and get me to think otherwise. Example: God: "You are clean my child" Satan: "Go ahead sin, it's okay it's not that bad... do it". Well I think Matthew 5:29-30 has the right idea, "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." So that adds to my thoughts, get rid of temptation/sin before it causes you to stumble and really mess up. So while I'm on that train of thought somewhat, I had to completely turn off the Wi-Fi to my iPod because I was being tempted to look at garbage that no one should be looking at and it while I was peaking around at a website for a Christan camp... I was utterly confused why, but I am curious was it the temptation or did I just not really understand that God is jealous and He really needs to be the first of my day and not Facebook. I dunno, but that's the reason I could maybe possibly not be posting as frequent. But best thing to remember is Philippians 3:12-21.
I remember early on in my years of being a Christan, I had for some reason loved the story of Jesus' temptation in Matthew 4:1-17. Still not a hundred percent sure why, and the funny thing it was never really something I mediated on either, I just liked it. Maybe (just going out on a limb here), but perhaps it was the very fact that Jesus too was tempted like myself , but lo and behold He was without sin. Even directly with the devil right there determined to get Jesus to fail, well I think we know who was the ultimate failure at that time, eh? Still being faithful even to death. Talk about an amazing encouragement and a HUGE amount of love!
So with being in the middle, like all of us are in the spectrum time that is. Let me explain, in youth group we've been going through the study of the End Times, no I am not going to share every thing we've learned, however, if you've seen the chart in Tim LaHayae and Jerry B. Jenkins' book "Are we living in the End Times"  it's described as Ages past, Church age, Rapture, 7-Year tribulation, Glorious appearing, Millennium, Great white throne, and Ages to come. So being in the Church age we are still technically the middle, but this is if you want to get technical.
Still through all the "stuff" I've been going through I remember when I tried to go through and memorize James (and by tried I mean I failed at the end but got to about chapter 1 verse 18), James 1:2-18, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.
 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
  When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth,might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."
So I think James is trying to tell us to rejoice in trial... to me that seams pretty hard.

Well to think of Job, he was told to curse God and die. Then at then end of his life he says in chapter
42:1-6, "Then Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself
  and repent in dust and ashes.”"   
I think I have a lot to learn from Job. As do we all.

Okay so last few comments, sorry today was lengthy I just had to express to even though we feel in the middle just know that we are all half way home.
So I am pretty certain you all know I am anticipating obviously some sort of change again, correct? Well I had really caught myself in the middle. I had used excuses too. For a while I had exclaimed I cannot "wait and see" I have to walk by faith. Well so it all depends on what way you put walking by faith. So I was talking to a friend about life and eager anticipations and she too is excited to see where God will have their family... it came to my attention that I was lacking faith in God because I was not fully trusting that He will have me where He wants me and doggone it if that means wait I have something to teach you then dude you better sit down and listen quietly. It reflects one of my favorite verses Lamentations 3:19-27.
Despite the fact that I want to get up and go to where I think I'll be (that is where Christ has me) I need to wait on Him. Isaiah 40:31, "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
I'll leave you with that. Sorry again about the longness of this post, but I hope it encourages you.

April Doesn't Appear To Be April

If I could file a complaint right about now it would be about how April doesn't feel like April it feels like March (well either way I am still technically complaining). So the list of complaints obviously begins with it feeling like March. The second is about time; time is slipping through my hands and flying far beyond my imagination (as wild as my imagination is that shouldn't be hard to believe.) So I'm hopping the rest of April will feel like April and I will be productive the rest of April. Other then me being annoyed by the fact that it doesn't feel like April things have been well interesting (I guess in that good kinda way). For example at Bible study we had talked about spending time in The Word... I was pretty well caught because I knew both how horrible I've been about procrastinating and being basically a hearer and not a doer of the word. Thus it began, we talked about it like our “quote” on quote excuses why we didn't read our Bibles (my excuse is pretty much I don't feel like it. Witch I know pretty pathetic). Well so much better to know I am not the only one. Now probably should've guessed that but it was reassuring. So in the book that we are going though there were seven things so they were things like:
-Keeping a journal
-Using the Bible on tape
-Following a reading plan
-Using a hymnal or songbook
-Finding a specific time and place
-Using computer Bible programs (or now days our smart phones)
-Using a devotional guide

I thought all good ideas looks like we'll have to try each of them.

Next off, yes I did get my hair cut! Yes at long last, but let me tell you, they cut off 5 inches! Dude I had no idea I had that much hair. Next off again, school, school is getting on my nerve. Actually it's my laziness and that is dead truth. So lets just hope I can get it done next month.
Last but not least, I well kinda sorta a little bit, got a job offer. Well actually we scampered about the mall because I wanted earrings (as weird as that sounds) and we looked for the swirly earrings I wanted but we didn't find them. So actually what happens is my sisters and I go past the Famous Footwear store then we see mom (and we were suppose to meet mom at the front of the mall but didn't) so we tell her about Crocks on sale so we go over there and mom yes gets her shoes, but she asks about jobs, so it turns out they are hiring part time (like 4-10 hours on weekends)! So I thought that would be perfect because no worrying about school nor crazy hours so it'd be perfect! Although I should finish school then apply, seams like the manger liked me though! Yay!

Now I dunno if you are all wondering about my anxiety (or sometimes often comes as “self pity” or whatever it is we want to call it at times. I guess we all know by now it varies). I can tell you, it certainly seams as though it never entirely leaves. By that I mean for an rather short period of time I'm pretty good and it's no bother at all. Then it comes up just as I am dragging out, thus I am back to what seams as beginning. <----- as inaccurate as that is along with false reality I just can't see why it looks that way. Anyway, it usually gets better as I pray and listen to good solid Christian music. But in the long run I think it's preparing me for the road ahead, what ever that is lies ahead. Now if you are maybe reading this and asking, “I thought you had it all figured out?” Well let's be honest, I do but I don't, so let me resolve this. I may know I am going to be used by God in spectacular way by being a missionary and hopefully be attending Moody Bible Institute, but that's like as far as I know. Yup that's right I don't even know where I'll be a missionary, nor do I completely see the road God will take me to go. Although I think the start is learning leadership and with that being a camp councilor. So I'm kinda waiting impatiently/anxiously, but I don't feel terribly worried either. Hmmm.... (Everyone tells me live in the moment. I am afraid I just can't live to do that being as stubborn as I am it's just not me. -take note if my selfishness- Still, living in the moment would probably calm me. -I bet you'd never hear me say that again.)

If you would all pray for me to have strength and just get over this anxiety/depression that would be great! Thanks in advance.

So that's roughly about it. But, I guess there are other things I could mention, so I'll tell you of more when more comes.

It's About Time I Learn To Expect The Unexpected

Well I think today's title speaks for itself supposedly because I think we all know I can pretty much randomly freak out at any given moment. So I just wanted you all to be aware that I may claim I'm "waiting excitedly" -or  impatiently- for something really cool to happen, but uh, I think a better word for me is "anticipate". But then to think I may anticipate such things to happen, yet it's a dead give away because I'm impatient, and me waiting well you'd have better luck with teaching a dog to sit. Truth is I ordinarily want to beat myself up for not seeing something so conspicuous... I personally don't have a logical nor legitimate reason why I think I have it special to foresee any future events, thus I should stop trying. Actually I'll be honest with you I feel as though I live in the future yet the present, I guess if it was a relationship it would be enlisted as "it's complicated", but clearly so am I. Above all I will say some is walking by faith because I am so impatient and God does want us to walk by faith, yet He too wants up to know its in His timing, therefore it is about time I learn. So with me expecting the unexpected let me tell you a story that describes the situation. So this was about November 2012, two of my friends had worked at Glorieta conference center and that got me thinking, “I want to work at a summer camp!” Thus my excitement begun, should I have expected that and did I? Both are no's. But I'm pretty sure I've told you this stuff (opportunity knocking and other places). Anyway, as God has been teaching me leadership and me not expecting I assumed I had already know a small extent of it, but in reality God continues to work in mysterious ways.
So the usual things that are "catching me by surprise" are friends coming over. Is it bad? Well no, but at times it's distracting. This is a question I'm just going to answer. So do I want to learn to expect the unexpected? Somewhat, I just rather not be caught by surprise every time.
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Recent events have had me kinda anxious, excited too and not even all of them are current. Well some are going to happen and some haven't happened and I'm not sure if they will, or they are in the process.

Lets start with ones that are going to happen:
-Dad going to Richmond, Virginia. He's training new drivers there.
-30 hour famine. Don't ask why I am enthusiastic about one.
-I'm getting my hair cut. As weird as it sounds I've been waiting eagerly.

Now the ones that haven't happened and may not:
-Moving. Yes I have been anticipating this for awhile. So either it be to Rio Rancho or somewhere else that's fine I guess.
-Getting a pet. So I know I may have my dogs Frodo and Clarence, but they are bed hogs and rather annoying.

Now for excitement: Pardon me some of them happen to be rather childish...
-Powerpuff Girls is on Netflix. The reason for that enthusiasm is because my sisters I used to watch that show when we were kids and we absolutely loved it.
-Well the things that are going to happen be some of them.
-Summer time! Yay it's about time to get this girl in the water. Yes I'm a "water baby".
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Now over the past few days things have been well interesting like for instance I was pet sitting last Friday through Sunday I was pet sitting. That was fun don't get me wrong, but seriously the best part was I actually got to sleep. So today... Well today was a dud, I had every intention to get some serious school done, but we are now baby sitting and thus I am now distracted. Oh yes, so Sunday was well funny. So I have my "little buddy" Sam. So normally Sunday mornings I'm there before my mom and sisters. So Faith and Emily were there with their friend Lexi and Sarah and apparently poor Sam was a poor lost puppy dog looking for me. Then Monday, oh Monday was dreaded as usual, but the bitter/sweet part was the Michigan Louisville game was on. (Basketball March Madness) and my Michigan Wolverines lost. And apparently jealousy has taken over our neighbor Lexi, that's apparently because I got a pair of Vans and she thinks we get or do stuff to make her jealous.
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So I'm pretty excited for some stuff as you see. There's more but I'll save that for another day.

I AM SECOND

So at church today we officially started the I AM SECOND book and are doing a series on it. So today wwe talked of the importance of our stories on how we came to Christ and what He's done in our lives. So today I am going to post about my I AM SECOND story. So here it goes.

For me I've always been a “quote” on quote Christian I guess you could say. But one day it all changed forever, just having moved from Michigan to a small town in New Mexico. We had been put in public school for the first year here. During this time in public school I claimed I was a Christian, yet my actions did not show that I was a Christian. I soon found myself in a dark place, the world had taken me as it's own and I followed it. While I was following the desires and lusts of this world the darkness had taken over. It wasn't “sex, drugs, and rock and roll”, it was me not following Christ and as followed, I cursed, I was a bad influence on both my sisters and others around me, I caused others to stumbled, I even bullied one kid telling him to do wrong things like to cuss, swear, smart mouth teachers, and at the end I wasn't his friend because he didn't follow the evil ways. I was the struggle and the world had held on to me before grace. I will never be the same now, truly knowing what it is follow Christ I AM MELODY AND I AM SECOND.

Now what Christ is doing in my life.

Now as Christ resides in me He is using me in new ways like allowing me to be a positive influence to both Christians and nonChristians, teaching me leadership on how to be the light for others, telling me that one day I will be used for His glory, and now teaching me more about Himself.

Going through I AM SECOND I see I am second and God will be first and will guide me in His perfect will.

So with Cottonwood Church and everything I'm going to tell you they are really tearing down the comport zone and changing a little bit of things for me. It's really something for only being here for four months. I mean everyone seems so close to me, they see me as an encouragement, they've changed the way I think and that's saying a lot because I can be stubborn as a donkey.
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So a little off subject.
I'm sorry I've been so inconsistent about posting but over the past four days I've been pet sitting, but I am back and should be posting a bit more and tomorrow I'm going to try and give you a bit of background of what where I feel personally where I feel God is having me and more of what He's doing.

This Is Me, This Is My Heart, And This Is My Broken Heart Project

So today's title, “This Is Me, This Is My Heart, And This Is My Broken Heart Project” is really going to be you guys getting to actually see what God is preparing for me and really a deeper look into my heart of my compassions and desires to glorify Christ Jesus. I hope it inspires you and encourages you.
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To begin my post I want to tell you of a personal experience that was really cool. So I went to Denver, Colorado in 2010 and Russ (our leader) gave us Bibles to put a scripture or two and then give it out to someone. Well I collected several verses and so I was ready to go. Well no I didn't forget it, but the dog got and chewed it. Well the Bible is food but spiritual I'm pretty sure it's not an apple. Anyway I love how God works because the day I got rid if mine we had nothing really planed so my group went to the park and knowing me I love football and so I wanted to play catch and thus it was. While others took a walk. So then as we're tossing around the football two guys just join us and we talk back and fourth and so one of the guys were talking and he kinda lost his way with walking with Christ. Oh I was so happy I could give away my Bible because I did not want to take it home.
So this may have been my first missions trip but it was not the start of the fire that set my heart ablaze to missions. So now I'll tell you of how this has happened and everything.
So since I was a kid as far back as I can remember it was there. Well I can tell you every time someone talked about serving God in anyway like third world missions or just anything.
I remember my mom always saying, “God is going to do something special with you” so that's that.
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Now I'm really taking it to a new level at first is was Dallas, Texas but no, however I still have the general ideas of what missions in the States could be like. Well I should tell you I will be collecting Bibles so if you have any you don't want/use that's fine I'll take them as long as it's not like falling apart.
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So how is it I'm taking it to the next level? Well let me explain. As said I feel this is my last year in New Mexico and I'm sorry but it's very bitter/sweet and I don't mind. Anyway enough of me and moving. My point how this involves me taking it to the next level is working at a summer camp as mentioned its camp Crestridge for girls and I really really like it because I can be an inspiration and leader for young ladies. This too is why I felt God telling me to learn leadership. Did I mention it's in North Carolina? Well it is and I love it there! So we'll see where God has me from there.
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So to my heart it seems as though I find missions is my calling of God's will and now to see where else God will take me.
You should all know I don't mind this at all it's exciting and the best part is seeing but by bit.
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Now with serving I'm hoping to Haiti and serve there and if I can I'd like to go to an orphanage in Mexico and even go to India to serve there. Personally I don't know where I'm going to end up in the world of missions but I guess I have time to find that out now don't I?
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http://www.facebook.com/melody.morgan.meyer/posts/555894471112118
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That's a post I posted on Facebook about the kinda things and changes being a Christian and how things aren't the same.
That's really to be desire. Actually the meaning of desire to me follows a list definitions like
-To long or hope for.
-To be used by God.
-The will of God.
-Giving life to serve God.
-Feeling near to God.
-Taking every step in obedience.
-Yearn for.
-Passion.
-Satisfaction.
And so on.
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Compassion with me begins with serving and things like that is like working at soup kitchens, I'd love to help kids in anyway, and just help out in anyway.
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So I can just see what's to happen. Although I can tell you that's the joy of taking the Bible study.
Now the one of the many things that needs work is probably my pride, that's because every time someone denies Christ I get flustered and rather cram religion down their throats and basically want to make them believe. So what comes with that is grace and how I need to extend it.
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I think the best way to extend grace is asking someone if you can pray with them. I remember when I was at a Blue Bell picnic and Mike's daughter I had started to hang around with and I had prayed “God please let me minister to her” so then later I do and thank God. She asks the question, “do you really think that the world is going to end in 2012” as easy as no would've been to stay I didn't say that. So I ran to dad asking for his keys and then I ran back and started to explain while just not so sure of what to say but I used verses I learned some earlier in the year so it was good. But then later she talks to me about things in life so I ask, “do you want me to pray for you?” She wasn't sure but I did and man I think it's the best way of extending grace.
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So I guess I'm waiting to see what's going to happen with my Broken Heart Project because I'd love to earn the money to go on missions trips, collect Bibles to give, and probably other things. So Godspeed.