Trail Mix

I'm sorry I haven't posted in two weeks, but I've been kind of busy.
You might have noticed today's title and post is a bit indigenous, conspicuous, erratic, and weird.
After all, I've been experiencing a lot of change, growth, learning, and trials in the expanse of 7 months. I guess you could say I need time to think and process, but even though I haven't posted for two weeks my brain acquired several different thoughts on what to post today, and truth is, it's going to be a bit like trail mix or complex in better words.
Many of you might think my brain is over run by chaotic thoughts, running at 2,857 thoughts per second, or even possessed by many thoughts, and maybe while all those may all seam true it's how I function.
Even through this astronomical and radical transformation has brought me to my knees I know now it really is really where I go from here leaving all behind and striving for God's will in my life.
Despite it has only been 7 months of change, growth, learning, and trails, it has also been 7 months of me finding out who I am, and to be honest, I really thought I had it figured out, and turns out over the past 3 years I've only scratched the surface. Probably the least bitter of the reality I've tasted in the past 7 months.
As early last week came my thoughts were intruded by the thought of change and how I am stepping into it even deeper then the last time. One thing you should know about me: I love change, but quite frankly it scares me half to death, and that's where my thoughts were intruded and screaming, "Run! Run for the hills! Whatever you do run! Run away! Personally I would highly recommend you don't run from change because I know for a fact that usually ends up being more harm then good, and believe me, I know it's like that nasty cough medicine we had to take as kids to stop the coughing and make us feel better. Yuck. Still has to do with where I go from one spot to the next.
Like Robert Frost's poem,
"Two roads diverged in a wood and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." ~Robert Frost
and even in my brief testimony.
4 and a half years ago I gave my life to Christ, but since then it's been a pilgrimage and an unforgettable on at that. However, through these years I've had small misdirections to where it is I'll go from here after some sort of significants has happened, but more commonly looked upon today as trial and error.
Really as I sit here I'm thinking of Haiti, one because a team of 13 from Cottonwood church went and came back yesterday, two I really want to go, that is if it's God's will, and most importantly my parents as they're thinking about adopting a child from there. I'm excited and nervous all at once, ah yes, so much going on in my heart that thinks about Haiti.
Mainly important though in two weeks I get back to youth group and this time being more involved then I have been in the past 10 months. I guess you could say the past 7 months have been an adventure and not to mention, I myself love adventures and maybe that's why I'm enjoying this chapter of my life because soon I will be taking things to new heights. I remember last week talking to some friends and being pretty stressed, not about talking to them, but being stressed by several things going on in life. I'm kind of laughing a myself though because I typically say "expect the unexpected when least expected." Take it from me, I can't even hold up to my own saying and even with my brain running a mile a minute I don't even know what to expect! I think my new saying will be "let the hands of God be the hands time in your future and in the plans the Lord has for you; let your feet be guided by the lamp that leads to the path of purpose."
As I've been telling people, "time is a determining factor for what I do" and so is school, if it is God's will I hope to graduate next year, thus allowing me to go to Texas and hopefully following that leaving to go to England for one year. But let's get it straight, this is my plan, doesn't mean it's God's even though I seam determined that it should be.
Speaking of determination, we had a cockroach in our house and mom made a comment about my "strong heart" and I was quick to respond saying the only thing strong in my heart is it's will... maybe thinking about it now normally that's true because I'm pretty stubborn anyway for what ever reason it may be.
Although I seam to be in so many directions, but I'm not going to call it misdirection, I'm going to call it one step away from another big step.
But on the thought of steps; I've realized I have taken more in 7 months then I have in my entire life. Yeah crazy I know, but hey, so is trail mix. Haha sorry couldn't help it.
Anyway I'll catch you all later.

Puzzle Pieces

It has been a long while since I last did a puzzle. Don't get me wrong I love puzzles, but sometimes I just stop because I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, or I'm irritated at a piece being determind it's going to fit some where and it's ends up being the wrong piece in the wrong spot. Might be a bit far-fetched, blunt, and probably every bit of going on a limb, but I actually think of life like a puzzle --or my mind is like a whole bunch of puzzle pieces composed of several pieces and possiblites.

Personally I'm not really sure how realistically that sounds to you, but it's kind of the way my brain is wired that way currently.
However, the explanation is a whole other story. (Yes this involves my "story time" I suppose). OK this might be a bit vauge if you've never seen Men in Black 3, but if not the explantion will do either case well. Basically it's like the character Griffin, (information from Wikipedia, just so you all know) a fifth-dimensional being who sees multiple timelines simultaneously. Only it's diffirent for me, I am only a three-dimensional being, and I look at possibilites and put them together like a puzzle. Therefore the meaning of "puzzle pieces". Several examples come into my mind, however I have actually a few pieces put together, so not all of them are technically are lose puzzle pieces. Anyway, we'll make a really long story a short one. I'm not sure how many of you know my "Texas story", but basically I wanted to go to Texas and the door pretty much got closed for the time. Now as I've done my first Bible study offically the outcome has been me effectivly making deicions that honor God and again, and again, learning to trust God as it is a huge issue, that is yes getting better just incase you wanted to know. ;) Ah, but today at church I had a turn around. Actually rewind a few weeks. So it was a few weeks go while I was doing math and I felt God telling me to learn leadership and I was like okay... later it occured to me through God's grace it might be with the youth group and orginally I wasn't so sure. Now we fastforward to today. Well Pastor Dan Cooley talked about killing chickens (killing fears; witch I kind some what of an idea to do so, but uh, not entirely), so it was a good sermon I can't agrue that. However, he invited us up to pray (quick comment, but in my perspective this church does a lot to get you out of your comfort zone) and not only is that the second time i've gone up to ask for prayer, but he asked to pray for us all who wanted to take a leap of faith and just do what God is calling us to do. Well that put a stop to my procrastionating about talking to Stephanie about helping out with the youth group, so I told her after we prayed I need to talk to her, now I go to talk to telling her I want to be youth in training for leadership and now waiting two weeks... But its good because that totally proves it's God's will for me to learn God's will. Other puzzle pieces that I'm trying to put together is waiting and seeing the least favorite part) and I'm thinking depending on how school is going by January it might determin where I chose to go in life generally after high school. (Maybe another day I'll dig deeper) But for now that's it, so enjoy the puzzle pieces! (Let me know if you find one ;) )

Will You Help Me Find It? (God's Will)

I'm sure your all just as excited about this post as I am, but it's more then just a post about God's will and quotes. Actually it's about me finding God's will and me making deicions that lead to God's will for me. Many of you probably know this new song by Sidewilk Prophets, I love this song so much because it relates to me so much, and it's certainly convicting too. Last week before I finished posting I posted a prayer request on a Facebook group I am part of and I said,

"I know this prayer request is a bit longer then several of my other, but I also just want to thank you all who have been praying for me. So here it goes. (It's not really about my struggles, but you can continue pray for me in that way as well.)

Over the past 8 or so months I've been looking at summer camp jobs and for a few months now I have been looking at this one camp in particular that's in Ridgecrest, North Carolina. I've been feeling it is God's calling for me to work at a summer camp, but with kids, and lately I feel God is leading me on to do more things with kids. However, I'm not normally good with kids and the first prayer request is that I may be able to work with kids and have patience. I really do want to work at this summer camp like I feel it God's calling to me, but I worry I won't be able to do to my lack of "abilities" or "gifts" and I don't want that to be my excuse not to go, nor do I want it to be a reason of unwillingness to not go. I know I have time to spare before I go to this camp (at least a year to two years), but I am currently getting really excited, yet worried, and I would ask that you pray for me as I prepare my heart for this upcoming step. Also pray that I would find something to allow me to have experience in both children and godly leadership.
Thanks.
(http://ridgecrestcamps.com/girls/staff/a-word-to-prospective-staff)"

Yes, I really find it God's calling to work with children and in general to learn leadership, but now as a week has passed by I've learend a little bit more about myself and turns out yes North Carolina is still an option, but Texas is once more an open door... I'm a bit confused at this fact though, but anyway, I'm finding it to be if I actually graduate next year that I can go to Texas to be a typical staffer or have an actual leadership post? But am I willing to to decide wether or not I want to go to Haiti? Hmm...Anyway, I'll keep you informed as I make deicions to what it is I'm doing. Although I've been worried though; worried about weather or not I can actually teach these kids and guide them in a godly manor or if I can even hold the weight of being on staff, now, I really don't want any of those excuses to stop me from trusting God and doing His will. As I went to bed that night (last week) I opened up my Devotional book and found this, "Witch driver you you choose to transport [or have the people you were with aweeks go home with] your infant son or daughter [or the campers] across a lofty mountain range? (a) The one who boast of how fast he can drive and how close to the edge he can steer, or (b) The one who stays as far away for the edge as possible, even if it means driving more slowly?Out of love, you would choose the second driver. And if a baby believer means anything to you, you'll steer clear of the world and not try and see how close to the edge you can come."
 --Bruce H. Wilkinson, Closer Walk
I actually took that as practical advice and now I don't seem as worried. Thinking of it now, I chose to to be worried, it wasn't natural, it was pure and true a choise, and excuse weather or not I wanted it to be one. I also found this quote (but I'm only doing the part that caught me), "When God has put His call on you, woe be to you if you turn to the right hand or to the left. He will do with you what He never did with you before the call came; He will do with you what He is not doing with other people. Let Him have His way."  -Oswald Chambers
I have to admit this one got me pretty good, although, I thought I knew my purpose, but in this case it was just a step. But here's a quote, "God had taken you into His purpose by the Holy Ghost. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself, you put up a barrier to God's use of you. As long as you have a personal interest in your own character, or any set ambition, you cannot get through into identification with God's intrests.You can only get there by lossing forever any idea of yourself and letting God take you out into His purpose for the world. I have to learn that the aim in life is in God's, not mine. God is using me from His great personal standpoint; all He asks of me is that I trust Him. When I stop telling God what I want, He can catch me up for what He wants without hindrance. He can crumple me up or exalt me; He can do anything He chooses. He simply asks me to have implicit faith in Him and His goodness."-Oswald Chambers 
Currently though I've been needing to spend more time in the Word and in prayer, and I think of Philippians 4:6 " do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
So real quick back on Texas, I posted a comment on my orginal post saying,  "Thank you all! :D I have an update and you can pray for that to help take place. See I've been looking at another summer camp in Glen Rose, Texas and I was hoping to work there next summer as either an intern or an actual staff. However, with the staff I can chose between a leadership postion or just an ordinary staff member that works apart from the leaders. Depending on how this upcoming school year goes, it determins the path of an intren or a staff, but the problem I'm not so sure about is wether or not I want to take the full postion since I want to go to Haiti the same year and I do believe season too. If you could pray for me to make wise deicisons that would be great!"

Well I better scarm until tomrrow and if you guys want to know anymore about what's going on don't be affraid to comment, Facebbok me, or tweet me.