Caught In The Middle

Have you every felt caught in the middle of life's situations? Either it be a spiritual situation, an argument between family or between people? Or anything at all that just has you caught in the middle?
Currently I confess I feel like I am caught in the middle with who I once was and who I am. I guess what I'm trying to say is the battle between Satan wanting me to feel hopeless, unforgiven, unloved, alone, and just plain old depressed. While on the other hand Jesus wants me to feel hopeful, joyful, loved, forgiven, and united with Him.
It's hard because when ever Satan accuses us of sin it often times is right! How scary that is, Satan comes and reminds us of our past sins. I know in James  5:16 it says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one other, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." So hard to face that you've done wrong and are ashamed by it.
I think of how much I've grown in Christ and the amount of maturity I have obtained... that is with other things of well. Actually about two days back I did a devotion about love (and as great and effective as it was talking about learning to love and hate what Jesus does) the devotion had me read 1 Corinthians 13 and the part that got me was on verses 11&12, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
Well it defiantly changes everything because even for being 16 I am still technically a kid (yes it annoys me dearly, but that's irrelevant). As many times as I have been childish and thought to be mature... well I think it's about time to fall over laughing. Yeah sure I've heard my mom say I was born a 40 year old, however, I take that as a mentally and way of thinking not actually in actions.
Still I've been pretty well caught in the middle with things like knowing I am one with Christ, yet I know Satan just has to try and get me to think otherwise. Example: God: "You are clean my child" Satan: "Go ahead sin, it's okay it's not that bad... do it". Well I think Matthew 5:29-30 has the right idea, "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." So that adds to my thoughts, get rid of temptation/sin before it causes you to stumble and really mess up. So while I'm on that train of thought somewhat, I had to completely turn off the Wi-Fi to my iPod because I was being tempted to look at garbage that no one should be looking at and it while I was peaking around at a website for a Christan camp... I was utterly confused why, but I am curious was it the temptation or did I just not really understand that God is jealous and He really needs to be the first of my day and not Facebook. I dunno, but that's the reason I could maybe possibly not be posting as frequent. But best thing to remember is Philippians 3:12-21.
I remember early on in my years of being a Christan, I had for some reason loved the story of Jesus' temptation in Matthew 4:1-17. Still not a hundred percent sure why, and the funny thing it was never really something I mediated on either, I just liked it. Maybe (just going out on a limb here), but perhaps it was the very fact that Jesus too was tempted like myself , but lo and behold He was without sin. Even directly with the devil right there determined to get Jesus to fail, well I think we know who was the ultimate failure at that time, eh? Still being faithful even to death. Talk about an amazing encouragement and a HUGE amount of love!
So with being in the middle, like all of us are in the spectrum time that is. Let me explain, in youth group we've been going through the study of the End Times, no I am not going to share every thing we've learned, however, if you've seen the chart in Tim LaHayae and Jerry B. Jenkins' book "Are we living in the End Times"  it's described as Ages past, Church age, Rapture, 7-Year tribulation, Glorious appearing, Millennium, Great white throne, and Ages to come. So being in the Church age we are still technically the middle, but this is if you want to get technical.
Still through all the "stuff" I've been going through I remember when I tried to go through and memorize James (and by tried I mean I failed at the end but got to about chapter 1 verse 18), James 1:2-18, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.
 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
  When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth,might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."
So I think James is trying to tell us to rejoice in trial... to me that seams pretty hard.

Well to think of Job, he was told to curse God and die. Then at then end of his life he says in chapter
42:1-6, "Then Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself
  and repent in dust and ashes.”"   
I think I have a lot to learn from Job. As do we all.

Okay so last few comments, sorry today was lengthy I just had to express to even though we feel in the middle just know that we are all half way home.
So I am pretty certain you all know I am anticipating obviously some sort of change again, correct? Well I had really caught myself in the middle. I had used excuses too. For a while I had exclaimed I cannot "wait and see" I have to walk by faith. Well so it all depends on what way you put walking by faith. So I was talking to a friend about life and eager anticipations and she too is excited to see where God will have their family... it came to my attention that I was lacking faith in God because I was not fully trusting that He will have me where He wants me and doggone it if that means wait I have something to teach you then dude you better sit down and listen quietly. It reflects one of my favorite verses Lamentations 3:19-27.
Despite the fact that I want to get up and go to where I think I'll be (that is where Christ has me) I need to wait on Him. Isaiah 40:31, "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
I'll leave you with that. Sorry again about the longness of this post, but I hope it encourages you.